Why We Don't Talk About Feelings...

Everyday is a new battle, a new triumph, a new struggle and a new emotion. But on the flip side of this there are small, never talked about successes that become just enough motivation to push on to another day.

I have struggled lately swallowing my pride and admitting that the "High School Liv" where life was easy and most things were picture perfect is no longer my reality. In my head I am constantly convincing myself that the "new Liv" is unorganized, unprepared, emotional, unstable and just simply a hot mess. When I get inside my head with these thoughts I begin to believe them and let my life slowly fall apart because I believe it is my new life that I have zero control of.

This is where I check myself.

I cannot control the obstacles that I have faced or the curve balls I have been thrown in life...BUT I can control how I respond to them. I can choose to let them tear me down, ruin my life and ultimately my future or I can push through the hardest of times, smile through the pain and hopefully look back on those hard times are be proud at how strong I have become. Although I may not feel strong everyday, little by little I am making progress. One bad day does not erase all of my growth and strength. I am not weak on bad days just simply tired. I am not unorganized when life gets crazy just simply overwhelmed. I am not unstable when I cry I'm just letting out some built up emotions. I have to be OK with not always being OK.

It is okay to crumble, but we get up brush ourselves off and push forward.

SO WHY DON'T I TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS?

Many of you know, I am a talker. If you give me a subject I am passionate about, it will be hard to get me to keep quiet. I have always been one to voice my opinion, stick up for others and sprinkle jokes around the room to make people smile...But when it comes to the emotions that are tied with PTSD, Depression and Anxiety, I don't say a word.

Heres why...

Depression and anxiety is something that most people don't understand and I am speaking for myself as well.

I wake up somedays feeling like I can conquer the world, and others days like the world is conquering me. There doesn't have to be a reason for the good or bad days, its just how it goes.

When speaking with people about the bad days, the normal and appropriate response is "What's Wrong?"

This question to a depressed person is like asking where they last left their lost keys. If I knew...I wouldn't be in this situation. You see where I'm going with this?

It is so difficult to try and wrap your head around something that just popped into your life at age 18 and dealt you some tricky cards and a whole lot of ups and downs, but it is important to give yourself those much deserve pats on the back for any victory. No matter how small.

Set yourself goals, without comparison to other's and reach them. When you do, congratulate yourself and set more. I need to be proud of where I'm at and the progress I have made. Everyday is important and every fought battle is making me better.

XOXO Liv